Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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