Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
