I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She even gives head with a lisp.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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