So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
