3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
