Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
