i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
