overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
