Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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