my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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