i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
