i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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