Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
