so that wasnt chicken after all
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
