She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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