you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
