I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
