when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
