You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
