At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
