My entire life is one complicated drinking game
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
