I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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