Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
