I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
