You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
