I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
