we have officially lost it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
