I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
