See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
whose parrot is this?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
