3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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