The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
