well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
