I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
