So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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