so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
