Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
