I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
