Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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