Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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