New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
