Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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