You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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