So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Even the bartender felt bad for me
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
