ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just threw up on my dentist
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i used baking grease as lip gloss
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
