It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
