Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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