Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
