Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
