All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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