plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
