Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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